September 10, 2009 by fbk.

Gresham’s Law is usually stated as, “Bad money drives out good.”  Years ago the great author, H. Beam Piper, referred to Gresham’s Law of Manners, that bad manners drive out good manners.  I think Congressman Joe Wilson has illustrated this rather well.  The soi-disant Democrats or Progressives, who would more truthfully call themselves Socialists, Communists, and/or Fascists, have been using bad manners for years while the Republicans were supposed to hold themselves above that.  Barack Obama has been lying and calling others liars when they dare bring up the truth.  And after all of the lies and insults, I gather that Congressman Joe Wilson could no longer hold his tongue.  In an outburst during the President’s speech to a joint session of Congress, Congressman Wilson showed the bad manners to yell at the President of the United States of America.

Now, mind you, what Congressman Wilson said was entirely truthful.  Barack Obama was lying.  Or perhaps Barack Obama is trapped in a fantasy land spurred by some sort of psychosis?  I’m not sure that would be better for the country, but if it makes you feel better, have your own fantasy that a Democrat politician might be honestly hallucinating rather than lying.

For those of us who have been waiting for a little more tit-for-tat, a little dose of bad manners by a Republican to match the outrageous behavior of the Democrats, Joe Wilson’s honesty was refreshing.  Was it an appropriate act of taste and decorum?  Why should we care?  Democrats have been doing much worse for at least forty years.

Joe Wilson for President!

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January 10, 2008 by fbk.

More and more in my working life, I seem to encounter bloviators.

Over a year ago now, I was helping out on a project, and needed some information and clarification to get them where they wanted to be.  The executive in charge tried to answer my question, and his lack of true knowledge didn’t stop him from unleashing a torrent of words to flood the Mississippi and entire Midwest.  Now, I wound up having a very good relationship with this fellow, and we are working together again, but he’s a man who talks.

Eight months ago, I was on a two-week assignment, and 90% of it was hearing the engagement lead go on and on about how we couldn’t do what we were supposed to do because we didn’t have the knowledge.  When I finally paid enough attention to figure out what the windbag was going on about, I pointed out that we did know enough, and then took over the project and started assigning jobs to the other people, who were all senior to me.  It took me fifteen minutes to accomplish what he spent hours saying couldn’t be done.

Previous and subsequent to that, I had to put up with another fellow, not nearly as bad, but still one who talked too much.This fellow was a geek about certain topics, and could go on forever about them, whether he actually knew anything or not.

Then there was the Alpha Bore, who has been the topic of a few posts here.

Now, on a new project, I once again encounter another bloviator.  If he’s on the phone, one question can spur him to review the whole project history and future.  An e-mail with a simple statement or two can get a return reiterating everything that was said three times.

When did we shift idolizing from the strong, silent type to the chatty, say-nothing huckster?  When did men start thinking it was okay to say nothing, so long as it was said in quantity?  Was it a matter of the wars of the last century that turned men into taciturn doers rather than tsunamis of statements?  Whatever the cause, give me men who speak seldom and move the world with their actions.

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December 1, 2007 by fbk.

Have you ever noticed how easy it is to put up with poor manners on the part of a decently attractive member of the opposite sex?  Things I’d strangle a man for, I just shrug my shoulders when a pretty woman does it.  Thinking about this recently, I was wondering if I’m really a total, unreconstructed chauvinist male of another era, or if it’s just something deep-seated in human nature.

One example is talking too much.  Dominating conversations is certainly an example of poor manners.  Admittedly, my standard of what constitutes talking too much may be more stringent than most anyone else’s, but people ought to watch cues and stop or slow down on the cascade of chatter.  But, with a lovely lady, I might just stop listening to what she’s saying and think about other things, rather than interrupt her or send her on her way, as I would with a gentleman who violated the same rules.

Yes, for any who are curious, the drift of my thoughts does tend to go toward, “I wonder what she’d be like in bed,” or, “I wonder what she’d be like in bed with a ball gag?”  I am a male, after all.  For instance, in my youth, I had this one supervisor with magnificent legs…

But, is it really a favour to such women not to stop their rudeness?  (Well, with my former supervisor, I really had no choice, and her legs were exquisite.  Did she think that my eyes were tilted down out of respect for what she was saying?)  Wouldn’t it be better to stop them and help coach them on being concise?  And wouldn’t it save trouble later when something has to get done quickly, and you have to send the little chatterbox out of the room to get the work done?  I have a feeling that this is a much more universal trait.  Why else would the phrase, “Yes, dear,” ever have come into the lexicon?  It’s purely a statement said by someone thinking of the efficacy of ball gags, while not paying attention to the chatter.  So, I’m fairly sure this trait is universal among men. 

I don’t know if it’s true of women, though.  If a real “dreamboat” sails by and is dominating the conversation, do woman tune out, nod occasionally, and think about the man’s features?  Of course, this really begs the question whether women ever pay any attention to anything a man ever says, or if they’re always focused on their internal monologues.  I’ve certainly known some women who paid attention and conversed equally.  But I’m nobody’s dreamboat, more of a nightmare harbor tug.  So, what about it, ladies?  Do you do the same as men, and let things pass more when the person being rude is pleasing in other ways?

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December 1, 2007 by fbk.

In an earlier post, I mentioned a fellow I called the Alpha Bore.  Despite the promise to myself, I have been to dinner with him several more times.  And a few of those times, we dined together alone.  He has shattered all of my theories about him.  When dining alone with him, he is really quite good company.  There were companionable silences.  There was conversational back-and-forth.  The few stories he told were new, funny, interesting, and appropriate to the conversation.  So, I must come up with new theories to explain his behaviour with the larger audience.

The best initial theory I have developed is self-defense.  Did I mention the other fellow we are often out with is also a bore?  So, maybe he talks to preclude this other guy from carrying on?  He had worked with this fellow before, and they had eaten dinner together many times.  Maybe, the Alpha Bore had just heard the other fellow’s geek-out topics too many times and developed this strategy as a defensive ploy?  The only semi-hole in this theory is that he was also this way when it was a different third person.  Now, that person is pleasant enough.  Even when on geek-out subjects, it’s easy enough not to mind.   (Perhaps another post about that later?)  But perhaps the Alpha had also had enough of that person in previous assignments?  This is possible.  The only thing is that I know that I’d bore myself with such a strategy.  If the company talks too much, I’d rather ignore them than try to out-bore them.  Still, it could be an explanation for this fellow.

Another explanantion that I’ve tried to fit onto the fellow, is that maybe when we’re out with a larger group, the other members are responding with interest to his stories.  Maybe when we’re one-on-one, he picks up on strong cues from me to just-shut-up-and-eat-I-want-to-watch-people-not-hear-you-babble.  But it strains credulity that anyone could be responding with that much interest.  And I was watching the others to a certain extent.  I really didn’t notice anything that would bring on such a thorough cascade of words.

Another theory is that he likes to show off in a crowd.  After all, he isn’t bad when it’s just the two of us.  Maybe it’s larger groups where he feels the need to be dominant?  This theory might be workable to explain things, although maybe the word dominant is the key?

I did tag this fellow the Alpha Bore.  And maybe it really is an Alpha thing.  Could it be that he only feels the need to demonstrate conversational dominance if he’s challenged?  One on one, since I have no interest in conversational dominance, he may not feel the need to talk so much.  But when any of the others are about, he talks.  Admittedly, if he didn’t, either of the other two certainly would.  So, maybe this is actually his way of asserting himself as the Alpha?  This is about the best theory I now have, unless a mixed explanation is the reality.

Humans are complex enough creatures that it may well be a mixture of self-defense, alpha dominance, reading signals I’m not seeing since I’m not speaking, and sheer crowd-wowwing.  Whatever the true case, the Alpha Bore can be very decent company at dinner, so long as nobody else is there.

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November 3, 2007 by fbk.

In an earlier post, I mentioned the idea of a companionable silence.  One of the twentieth century’s greatest Presidents was “Silent” Cal Coolidge.  It was reported that he’d sit with one of his friends for hours.  Just sitting, not talking.

There’s an old saying, “It’s better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and confirm it.”

As I get older, I note more and more that very few people are really that much alike.  The things that energize one person might bore, bore, bore most everyone else.  It is a priceless treasure to find someone who is really and truly interested in the things that you’re interested in.  I believe that 99% of conversations are spent with one or more people bored half out of their minds and ready to strangle the other conversants.  I also note that many people are not terribly good listeners.  They think that they have a lot to say, but know more than the people with whom they’re speaking, so why listen?  I overhear conversations with one person going on-and-on while others search for escape routes.  I hear people talking at cross purposes and one-upping each other with stories and ideas.  I listen.

I suppose I still talk a lot, but it seems less with each passing year.  Do people really want to hear what I say?  Maybe not, so why say it?  If someone asks to know something, I’ll explain.  But we’re in a world of chatter.  We drown in words of brine, words that are only too much, but do not satisfy the thirst.  Words more often seem to lead to miscommunication than communication.  Would it really hurt to just sit awhile, like “Silent” Cal, with friends without talking, just thinking?

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September 11, 2007 by fbk.

It is ever a mystery to me that a bore doesn’t know he’s a bore.  There is an old saying, “God gave you two ears and only one mouth.”  One should listen more than one talks.  But the bore never seems to notice that he’s the only one talking, or that he walks over what anyone else tries to say.  I believe the first quote was of Jewish origins.  A Chinese quote goes, “The wind doesn’t blow all day.  (And neither should you.)”  Another bit of wisdom for the common bore, or even the boorish bore: “Knowing something is not a license to tell it to everyone you meet.”

I have eaten dinner tonight, once again, with the Alpha Bore.  This is a man who thinks it only proper for him to be 95% of the conversation in every conversation.  Whatever subject comes up, he has a story that relates it back to one of his pet subjects.  The only time he wasn’t dominating the conversation was when he went to the lavatory, and for all I know, he might have had a conversation there.  The other gentleman we were with can also be a bore, although he is a minor leaguer compared to the Alpha Bore.  Even he could barely get a word in edgewise.  Both of these are intelligent men.  But they seem not to have off buttons.  Maybe it is that they can’t abide silence?

I like pauses in conversations.  I like companionable silences.   More and more as I get older, I find I don’t really have a need to talk.  I’d rather watch people at other tables.  I don’t mind a true conversation with back and forth between all parties.   But I have seldom regretted silence.

I shall not go to dinner with the Alpha Bore again.  Life is too short for that.  I shall seek quieter company…

…those who can abide a pause and silence.

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