The World’s Wisest Liberal

The world’s smartest and wisest liberal was walking along a beach when he saw something glass sticking out of the sand.  Thinking that someone might trip or step on it and get cut, the liberal started working the piece of glass up out of the sand.  When he had fully unearthed it, he saw that it was a beautifully worked and intricate multi-colored glass bottle.  Out of curiousity, he pulled out the stopper.

Suddenly, he was engulfed in a cloud of smoke that formed above his head into a giant figure.  In a booming voice this figure cried out, “At last!  I have been freed!  20,000 years couped up in that bottle, and I’m free.”

Looking down at his bottle prison, the Djinn noticed the liberal standing with his mouth agog.  “For freeing me, I will grant you one wish, but only one, so choose wisely.”

For a moment the liberal stammered, then he pinched himself, obviously to determine if he dreamed.  Finally, he said, “I have always believed and been acknowledged by my peers as the smartest and wisest person they know.  I always have the answers ready,” after a pause, he went on in an aggrieved tone, “But I never believed in people who could be trapped in bottles or grant wishes.  This means that there are things that I don’t know.  I want to know everything and truly be the wisest being that exists.”

The Djinn looked down sadly while shaking his head, “I cannot make you God, nor can I make you wiser and smarter than I am myself.  Perhaps I can make you wiser and smarter than you are, though.  Maybe by 20,000 times, to celebrate my freedom.  Would that be acceptable?”

The liberal thought about it, and he couldn’t even imagine being 20,000 times smarter and wiser.  He thought of all the things he could do with such intelligence and wisdom, and envisioned being the world’s first trillionaire.  Greedily, he nodded his head in agreement with the Djinn.  The Djinn waved his hand, and the liberal found himself transported from the beach, he also felt confused and anxious and realized just how little he really knew. 

“Wait!  I don’t feel wise or smart.  I feel uncertainty and confusion.  All of the things I used to believe are foolish, and what I now am certain of are almost the opposite.  If I’m 20,000 times smarter and wiser, why do I feel this way?”

“In your former state, you believed you were wise and smart, but now you truly are.  Things are neither as simple or as nuanced as you previously believed.  Good luck!  I have to go now,” and so saying, the Djinn evaporated into a mist that dissapated into nothingness.

The man who was formerly the world’s smartest and wisest liberal looked around the office he had found himself in, just as a man in a black suit came in to announce, “Mr. President, it’s time for us to start moving to get to the inauguration ceremony.  If we move fast enough, we can be there before President-Elect Obama.”

This entry was posted on November 15, 2008 at 6:02 pm and is filed under Human Nature. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response or trackback from your own site.

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